Blog Changes

I haven’t had wifi at home since I’ve moved back from college. So here I am going to writing in a local coffee shop and watching Bob’s Burgers. But I’m announcing a new turn of events on wordpress.com I’m starting a new blog you can find here about all the artsy things in my life and things I absolutely enjoy wearing, eating and listening to. This blog will still be active!

-Admin

Lifelines.

People are absolutely beautiful. Not in the sense of looks or lifestyle. But souls. Have you ever met someone who you their passions? Have you ever showed someone a secret journal of yours?

Sometimes we overlook those little quirks in people. Sometimes I catch myself stopping a blog post because it seemed pointless. But I know that just getting words on a screen isn’t pointless. I’ve been exploring new likes and dislikes.

Most people don’t know that I read Edgar Allen Poe for fun and have a doodle journal for when I go to Starbucks or a hole in the wall coffee shop, alone. Or that when I listen to Grouplove I’m really sad even tho I’m smiling screaming lyrics.

Which I’ve only done with one other person and they probably didn’t realize it which is absolutely fine because I felt better after.

Lately I’ve been watching Thirteen Reasons Why and realized how much we take for granted. Life, friends, and experiences. They’re really all linked together and make us who we are. Sometimes you just have to be okay with everything that’s happened and look to a brighter future.

We all have people that are not worth the effort in which we’ve put time into. But for the ones who matter, they’ve probably impacted your life tenfold. I’m lucky to have someone who will always be there by my side at 2 a.m. when I can’t sleep.

I feel for those who don’t have that. I wouldn’t be here if a special hadn’t helped me through a hard time. Just to be with someone was comforting enough rather than sitting alone with my mind.

Those kinds of people are beautiful souls. And sometimes just a little less broken. But are full of secrets and talents. And those are the ones we keep around forever.

Personal Love

I kicked my boyfriend off the bed for being dumb and he slept there for a few min. Then he came back up and attacked me with a lot of love.

Moments like these make me appreciate the times we have together. Right now he’s next me watching notifications pop up on his phone and asking what music I’m listening to (Iron and Wine). I’m not sure how into them he is but oh well.

Our crazy, stupid and annoying love life might as well be something from a romantic comedy or a cringy book.

Update: he loves the type of music I’m listening to (Pandora changes it to Paper Kites).

A lot of people are missing out on the whole “be dorky sometimes and live a happy life” thing. I can’t really imagine being in such a stale relationship. Like if you are trying to be serious all the time or portray yourself a certain way to the person you’re with then you’re doing it wrong.

On one of my first outings, the guy dropped my freshly bought lollipop. He also made fun of it for being square. Poor guy actually felt bad, but I sent him a photo of me eating it off a paper plate a few days later.

I go back on that day and enjoy his crush-like awkwardness. He seemed very into me and I guess he got a little fidgety because a few weeks later he broke my Starbucks straw. My cold cup rolled under his moon chair and he and his friend were messing around in the chair.  Somehow in the mix and my straw got crushed under the chair legs.

Here we are about six months later and we’re being awkward together (although he carries most of the weight).

This isn’t the stereotypical relationship, however. Nothing about a relationship should be bland or boring. We may have the qualities of a stupid romance, but we aren’t always just adorable, we have differences and show those differences. I’m more hardcore sports while he has the gentle touch of music ranging from jazz to orchestra. However, we share more a combined playlist.

People in relationships should combine themselves. There is only so much you can do and learn alone. I learned how to blow into the mouthpiece of a trombone, while love has learned how the NFL playoffs are determined. He also became a football fan and I’ve explored more of my love for baseball.

Now if only he would stop “accidentally” unplugging my laptop.

Another 3 a.m. Post

When emotions start to fly at 3 a.m., it’s usually time for bed. But not tonight.

After some thinking, I have decided to retire my love of writing to maybe secondary. I don’t want to be just a piece of paper someone reads or a screen someone looks at. Everyone says to go on and strive for greatness, but greatness is in the eyes of the beholder.

If only doing enough to get someone there is good enough than that’s greatness. If only having a few thousand people on a Twitter account keeps someone going, then so is that.

You don’t have to strive to become the best of the best. In fact, that damages you. It pushes you to limits beyond limits. Sounds all brave and heroic and shit, but really I praise those who are working in the small schools and don’t get paid enough to even raise a family with every struggle in the world. But getting love out of what they do.

As I go through college, I’ve found all the people I’ve met try to do something beyond normal compacity. Maybe I’m wrong, but there’s no need to rush a system of getting there. Your own time is the best time. I don’t plan on doing anything more than I have to. I have a few years. Truthfully, I question just about every day if I’m wrong for choosing journalism as my calling. Right now I’m stuck with it.

The problem with life is we go through finding ourselves and for what? A nice deathwish and a few thousand flowers and then forgotten the next day. So why must I hurry up and get my life together when the only time it’s ever even seen as fulfilled is if I die after 50.

I have a lot more talent than I show for, that’s for sure. I don’t try hard enough when I know someone will read it. I don’t care almost, but I do. When it’s just myself, here, I feel complete. Like I could do this for the rest of my life. Hide behind a screen. I’m realizing that what I’m doing, living, is for my benefit short term.

Sure, I’ll apply myself, question who I am at 3 a.m. and eventually have something out there worth reading, but this blog is nothing more to you guys than a girl writing. But to me, was a huge step in the right direction. I’m not always proud with what I write. In fact even some of my stuff I publish, I absolutely hate. Never satisfied. But do I have to be? Who gives a damn if the writer is satisfied? It’s all about getting out there and accepting what may or may not be a success in the public.

I don’t mind if I start early or go on to another life and start there instead. Kind of like those dead guys we didn’t care to listen to or read about until they were actually dead.

We may think the world is our (insert cliche), but we don’t really care about anyone but ourselves at the end of it. So the world isn’t that. It’s just a playground for the writers, the businessmen, the artists, the musicians, the athletes and the explorers.

However, there is hope that the public one day accepts, you as whatever you are, by picking up whatever it is you have published, created or been in. I’ve lost a lot of drive to continue on in sports reporting. I took a semester off from keeping up with it and only recently jumping back in. But now I question if I really want to. If I really want to start over back to square one. If it’ll be worth it. Maybe. But maybe it won’t be. I suppose we’ll see, right?

Undermined.

Has something every touched you so much that writing about it wasn’t enough? Like you have to go on and talk about why that person is amazing.

George Watsky, a slam poet, is not well known (with only 666,756 monthly listeners on Spotify). Which is enough for me to enjoy him. Usually, you find a diamond in the most oddest of places.

Watsky not only wrote songs touching on serious social issues, going through massive struggles and living life to the fullest. He seems to have done it all through his real-life events. Lost friends, had a few seizures and got through pretty heavy hangovers.

There’s something about this man named Watsky that really throws me for an emotional loop. His book How to Ruin Everything is such a great read. It’s really a giant collection of essays. That spoke a story of something so simple and how it can impact your life.

Getting my first car was kind of like that experience. I had to live a lot more cautiously, and when I started to focus on my friends and how they drove, I decided it was time to only drive myself.

You don’t know how much he’s trying to say until the last second and hits you. The uplifting story about setting off fireworks and tripping on drugs is really about something greater than that. It’s how you live and who you’re with and when you decide to go out and take chances. Which everyone says to do, but honestly, none of us really do. We don’t really seem to go out there enough.

Honestly, Watsky has a point. We don’t even want to explore whatever is past the smog or even past what’s right in front of us.

See, life is a trip. Not one worth wasting. Never. But it is one not worth stressing over. We all find something that pleases us at the end. Even if we really have to think about what pleases us during that time.

There’s more to this dude than just a simple act of “let me test your mind.” He actually tries to get people into the swing of “there are things you’re missing right now.” I really appreciate that because maybe someone just discovered a new planet or you had a breakthrough in thought and you don’t know what to do with it. That’s a lot of weight in a song or even 10 pages of words.

As a writer, I appreciate the approach to subjects more than anything. Either you have to go into a story blunt or disguise yourself and meaning altogether. That takes a lot of time and work and even just simple effort. But even if you don’t like his style, there is a magic to the tying together of situations and words. I just have to figure it out and actually listen to it.

Updated: 2017, Jan. 05

 

Does the Rush Ever Kill You?

Lately, I’ve been running myself crazy to get things done; 24 hours is not long enough. Today I woke up early and did laundry, watched Bob’s Burgers and read a book. I also was able to complete my Composition work for the semester. Tomorrow will mark my final day of actual school work, and I’m ready for finals.

Seriously, I don’t have a single test I’m actually worried about, except maybe math. I can’t absorb numbers the same way I do words and it makes that class so much more difficult. I’m sure once I get my study guide, I’ll be fine.

Here’s the thing, I’m in core classes this semester. I’m not too worried about passing with a D. However, math is a pass/fail class and there’s a chance it’s going to take more than a study to get the gears going again. Although, I’m sure the test will be short. My professor said it should only take an hour to complete it.

Academics aren’t the only thing I have to plan out. During winter break, the love and I are going to be together off and on. The first Saturday, Dec. 17, is when we’ll have our first date night after this semester. We plan on going to dinner, doing a mini Christmas, and seeing Rogue One. He’s actually going to be in my home town and I couldn’t be more excited for him to come down again.

We had such a blast last time with a few of my friends and maybe we’ll all get together again.

Applebee’s at 9 p.m. is the best thing ever. Half priced appetizers is literally the best thing in the world. Although it’s late, we somehow find a way to be there for a good two hours with just as much energy as when we started.

Having people who love you, help you get through school and make sure you’re okay are gift in this world. If it weren’t for most of these people in my life, I wouldn’t be as all right as I am now. I absolutely enjoy my position in life, especially since it’s the homestretch of school. This doesn’t mean I won’t kick and scream, but I know I won’t be in distress for long.

Final Thoughts

This wasn’t a fun election. For the first time ever I actually have words. As a country, we are not totally doomed, but maybe this isn’t a time to focus on individual needs, but the needs of others. There is still a system of checks and balances and still a regulation of what the president can and can’t do. I don’t think anyone should really be angry and optimistic.

Keeping a positive attitude during tough times is just something we have to do to keep the world going. If we just stopped when things got hard, we wouldn’t have seen technological advances or thrived on knowledge of the unknown (which is now the known).

Most people are actually afraid of the future, but maybe we shouldn’t be. We need to pull ourselves together and throw on a brave face. Even if you were for Donald Trump, even you knew there were flaws. But you can’t allow other’s opinions or what you really felt to ignore the reality that it’s just another president and we’re never truly happy anyway. I can’t name a time when everyone was okay with what happened in the election. Nobody is going to have the same thoughts as you, nor would they act the same.

The thing about elections is that no matter who is running, you have to understand it’s a new beginning. Everything about the world right this second is new. Let’s hold ourselves together, complain like we always do, but also let’s not be bothered until something actually happens. Because every president is different and not always the best, but there’s a chance for change whenever someone reaches office.